Despicability on the March

Wow. The conservative oligarchy has been really busy lately, huh? Busy little bees they are, only these bees are busy making shit, not honey. What with the clear mandate afforded to the Bush administration by that enormous 51 percent majority in the election, the ruling party's elite are like kids, or "deranged sociopaths," if you will, in a candy store. A really dark, scary, ignorance-exploiting kind of candy store.

Let's recap some of their recent hijinks, shall we?

Bush continues to paint the Democrats' uncharacteristic reluctance to take it up the ass while he and his cronies dismantle Social Security through the back door as laziness. He invited the crown prince of one of the world's biggest abusers of human rights, Saudi Arabia, to Crawford for a romantic, hand-in-hand stroll down soul-selling lane. His administration haughtlily, and laughably, demands in the name of the American people an immediate vote on his inspired choice for U.N. amabssador, John "There is no U.N." Bolton. Because everyone knows that what the average American really wants is not an economically secure country safe from terrorists, but rather to see nasty, back-stabbing neoconservative blowhards installed as ambassadors. And what of those documents pertaining to Bolton's many possible ethical violations the Dems are demanding before they'll allow a vote? Nothing but a stalling tactic designed to thwart the will of the American people.

Hmmm. speaking of the American people, Dick Cheney announced to pathetically credulous CNN anchor Wolf Blitzer this week that no one in the administration "pays a lot of attention" to the latest polls suggesting that Americans are losing their patience with the war in Iraq. You can't go around developing policy based the concerns of the very people you are supposed to be serving, after all! All those people who say that perhaps Iraq isn't a utopia on par with Heaven itself "don't know what they're talking about." Too bad we can't ask the more than 20 people killed by the four car bombs that exploded within 15 minutes in Baghdad yesterday what they think about it. Oh, and what about all that liberal yapping about so-called "human rights" abuses at Guantanamo? California GOP congressman Duncan Hunter has sucessfully refuted this obviously baseless accusation by...calling a press conference to showcase the delicious chicken dinners served to ungrateful prisoners, even three times a week! And he even brought visual aids (Exhibit A: Lemon-Baked Chiken!! Yummy!!). Well, since you put it that way...

Rumsfeld again weighed in on this issue this week, reminding us dumb liberals that those prisoners are living better than they ever have, "in the tropics." Let's put aside the fact that Rumsfeld inadvertantly suggested that--gasp!--dastardly communist hellhole CUBA is a paradise. Nothing better than being tortured under the glorious shade of a palm tree.

And it wouldn't be fair to ignore little Jeb Bush's strong moral compass.

You see, the only thing ol' Jebber loves to exploit more than a "living" vegetable is a dead one. Now that Terri Schiavo is in the ground, and apparently not having learned his lesson, Jeb is suddenly taken with some "new" evidence that suggests Michael Schiavo might have waited too long after his wife's collapse before calling 911! This is based on the fact that, over the years and in various court appearances, Michael Sciavo has given slightly different times for when he found his wife on the floor: 4:30 am, 5, 5:30, maybe 4:45...and so on. The 911 call was placed at 5:40 am. Not exactly "new and startling evidence," Jeb, but Mike is OBVIOUSLY lying, right? I mean, everybody would remember the EXACT time when they awoke from deep slumber to discover their wife unconsious on the floor, duh! Especially when 3, 8, 10, 15 years have passed. So, anyway, this most disturbing "new development" caused Jeb Bush to appoint a state's attorney to investigate. This attorney finds this to be the most important case of his career, a real slam dunk, too. Well, maybe not...In NYT columnist Bob Herbert's June 23 column, he included this snippet of a conversation he recently had with Bernie McCabe, the appointed attorney:

Mr. McCabe did not seem particularly enthusiastic about his mission. "I wouldn't call it an investigation," he told me in a telephone conversation. The word "investigation," he said, "is a term of art in my business."

He then explained: "When I conduct an investigation, it would mean that I have a criminal predicate. In other words, that I have some indication that a crime has occurred. That's my job.

"In this circumstance, that does not exist at this time. So what I'm attempting to do is respond to the governor's request by conducting what I'm calling an 'inquiry' to see if I can resolve the issues he raised."

Jeb Bush--you are an inspiration to us all. Just because you've been proven categorically wrong via the recent autopsy results showing that Ms. Schiavo was definitely BLIND and without consiousness, and just because the people of both your state and the country strongly dissaprove of your shameless handling of this matter, doesn't mean you should give up! Hell no, that would make you a quitter. Another fine example of the Bush family motto--why bother with being "right" when you can stuff a sock in your pants and "stay the course?"

Actually, that is just one of many Bush family mottos. There are others, such as these classics:

The Only Good Retard is an Executed Retard
Fetuses and Microscopic Cells are Precious, but Actual People Need to Get a Fucking Job!
Shut the Fuck Up, Bitch
Hell was Created Especially for Fags
Church-Goers are the Most Gullible of All the Peasants
No, I Said Three Korean Hookers, Dumbass!

And many, many more!!