Jesus in the Workplace?

You know, it does not surprise me one iota when coworkers of mine bring up religion, because that is what sheltered, narrow-minded middle-aged ladies in the south do. This is the Bible Belt and the current political climate has only emboldened them. I expect it, really, but I still really, really hope that they won't. There's three classes of people here with respect to this issue: Ones who go by a "don't ask, don't tell" policy (Me and about 3 others!), ones who talk vociferously and regularly about religion and assume that you share their views, and ones who talk vociferously and regularly about religion and direct suspicion at people like me, who give off non-believer vibes, I suppose, without really meaning to. Most everyone around here falls into the second category. But there is one woman in particular, let's call her J, who sits firmly in the third. She constantly finds reasons to discuss anything church-related with me. One of her favorite topics is the apparently enormous collection of hats that she wears to Sunday church services (she is an African-American lady who follows in that cultural tradition of big hats and prim little suits for church). The now-large body of knowledge I now possess on J's preferred hat styles and accessories for church leads me to wonder about her agenda. It seems she is determined to whip me into shape indirectly, because she has already been told numerous times by our boss NOT to WITNESS to people at work. Yes, that's right, she used to flat-out confront people at work--how appropriate. The hat thing is kind of a stretch, but if you were listening to her, you'd get the same drift I'm getting. But it is what happened yesterday that really cemented for me that she is on a little mini mission from God to turn me around. I received an e-mail from her that was one of the well-known sappy stories where the mysterious visitor turns out to be Jesus. What a shock! That beggar was actually Christ! What a touching anecdote! Yeah, right. Anyway, after I skipped through most of this widely circulated tripe, I noticed that the message at the bottom was more ominous than usual: Something along the line of, you may think you're going to heaven, but if you don't accept Jesus Christ, you ARE going to hell, heathen! Then I looked at the address bar. It was addressed only to me. She took the time to single me out for this little eternal damnation reminder. For a few minutes, I entertained the idea that she might not know how to do an e-mail list, as she is one of the most computer illiterate people I've ever met, and instead sent it out to people separately. So I ask my boss if she received the same e-mail. She didn't, but a look of annoyed recognition came over her face. I said, "she's singling me out, isn't she?" She replied that it was most likely. She used to do the same to my boss until she told her to cut that shit out. This morning, I received another, more generic Jesus-themed e-mail from her addressed to a long list of people, confirming my suspicions. I decided to just ignore J's little overtures, because I figure that will perturb her more. She's just baiting me so that I will come to her and "initiate" a long, horrible, degrading and lively witnessing speech! Um, no. I've sat through enough of those, thank you very much. Although I would love to see her expression when, after I've sat through the entire spiel, I tell her that I'm definitely not going to become a Christian and that her attempts to witness to me just made me feel the power of my convictions even more! Thanks, J! It would be absolutely fucking priceless. But for harmony's sake, I will just ignore her. I actually have tact and sensitivity. She's going to be praying for me either way. I have this little fantasy where some well-meaning Christian prays for other's souls and finally, after all these years, gets an answer: "Just leave these poor people alone, you loser! Get a life, and quit bothering me, shit." Ha! But it's only a beautiful dream.